THE STORY
I sit here, nearly one year on.. the day before her first birthday. This day last year, I remember feeling like this baby was never going to arrive. 5 days post dates, and the feeling of waiting was hard. I do remember though that on this day, Sunday 25th of February 2024, I surrendered in a different way then I had been able too. I let go of any timeframe, knowing I could be pregnant for another week or two or even forever. We had a slow, family home day. And we got the Henna out, Mitch painted a mandala on my belly. It was such a lovely calm time as a family of four. I can’t remember what food we ate but I know cookies were included in the day.
That night after we all went to bed, during the night Dharma had a fever. Mitch was called up to the kids room to be with him early in the night. I woke up at 2am with a very different sensation to the ones I had been feeling for the weeks earlier. context is, I really had thought this baby would have arrived earlier due to many pre labour pains and the loss of part of my mucus plug in the two weeks prior.
But this sensation was different, it was powerful, strong, deep within me. I knew pretty much then at 2am alone in our bed, that this was it. They were coming.
I decided to just wait and watch for awhile, knowing that waking Mitch likely meant waking Dharma. I didn’t feel the sensation again for another 20 or 30 mins. I probably nearly drifted back to sleep, and then it came. Like a strong but powerful wave , it came and it went. I kept trying to sleep, but after a little longer realised that it wasn’t going to happen, and decided to get up, grab a cookie (which I would later regret haha) and settle back into bed and watch some more of a tv series I had been enjoying, One Day. VERY occasionally, like 5-6 times in the coming hours, I felt that feeling again.
At 4:30am I decided to let Mitch know that something was happening. I didn’t feel any rush to do anything but it felt right to let him know. I find it interesting how the birth dance happens for me anyway, and as Mitch (and Dharma) came to join me downstairs in our bed to continue resting, things picked up. Having M so much closer to me allowed me to sink deeper into the birth.
M asked if he should fill the birth pool, to which I replied no. it’s too early. (Wrong)
We lay in bed together, and I felt these sensations closer together. Yet they were still very spaced apart, 10 mins or more. The strength of them had my full attention though.
It was 5am when I decided to start calling my birth team. they asked if it was a rush to come over which I said no, there was time.
Shortly after this call, I let Mitch know that filling the pool was probably wise. Still completely coherent and fully here, in this world.
It’s funny how resistant I was to having people in my space ‘too early’ it’s a story I told myself during Dharma’s birth too.
everyone on the team had arrived by 6:15am.
I was still labouring in my room, but things seemed to be changing. Still, these sensations were very spacious but they were so strong. I remember leaning over my bed, with a pillow underneath me and I felt my waters start to break. This honestly surprised me as I wasn’t somewhere else, I was fully there. This may sound strange but It is a comparison to my previous births, where I went deep into this space to birth my babes. I was fully there with them, but not really with anything else. But this time it felt like I was fully aware of my surroundings and world, AND deep in the process.
I told Mitch to go and wake up Flo shortly after everyone arrived and my waters broke
The kids sat in the kitchen and ate cornflakes.
I was very aware that the birth pool was not full, and in this moment I thought, I am not going to make it into the pool Its going to happen here on the bedroom floor!
The birth pool was in the studio which was a short walk from my bedroom where I was. I was gently encouraged to move into the birth space which I greatly appreciated, being near the birth pool and preparing to get into it was not something that I would have felt confident doing without encouragement as the water was so low and I wasn’t in my logical mind enough to feel confident it was a safe height.
But soon after I hopped in, and Mitch hops in, the water level is perfect. On the lower side but perfect!
I nearly immediately start pushing once we are both in the water. The kids are sitting quietly on the cough nearby. Everyone is in the room. Flo comes to the side of the pool as I push maybe 3 times, and Joy enters the world at 6:48am.
The pause after birthing a baby… it’s true magic. I slowly bring her up to my chest, unwrapping the cord from around her neck. Joy cries soon after coming out of the water, Flo by the edge of the pool. I am taking my pause, the hard work (so I thought) was done. We soon learn that our baby is a little girl ~ much to our surprise. My attention soon moves from our baby over to our sweet Dharma, who is still on the couch, seemingly stunned by what just happened. His nature is so different to Flo’s, and for him , he chose to stay back and that is what he did for most of that first day. Very minimal interaction between him and Joy and I.
The pause soon comes to an end, as we wait on the placenta to arrive. The kids go and play in the house with Em. I try many different positions, have Mitch supporting me by holding Joy who is still attached to the placenta via cord. There is a point where I am holding Joy, and I notice that Mitch is acting kind of strange. He is gesturing to have support with something behind me.. I soon catch onto what is happening, and turn around.
I REALLY don’t like huntsman. My reactions are pretty out of my control and big, and Mitch was worried I might drop our baby (hahaha)
I don’t drop our sweet baby, but I do react. We joke about me not sucking the placenta back in!
The huntsman is then moved on and out of the room, and I come back to focus on the placenta birth. I am determined to birth this placenta before leaving the pool. That isn’t how it went in Dharma’s birth~ I ended up going to sleep after many hours of trying to birth it and then woke up later (8 hours on) and birthed it.
It’s pretty interesting to me now, after 3 births, that the way I birth babies and placentas is so different. I have always had the natural urge to push my babies out. Not so much for the placenta.
An hour and a half after Joy first enters the world, I gently traction my placenta and it is birthed.
We climb out of the pool, and settle into a bed on the floor nearby. I wish this was the end of the story and the start of a blissful postpartum in connection with my baby, but alas, my body had another most important job ~ the contraction of my womb. If you have had several babies, or if you are like me and got (un)lucky and experienced this even after my first baby, you’ll know about the afterpains.
It’s known that after each birth the afterpains generally increase. This is very true for me, and the were pretty bad to begin with. I remember after Flo was born I had an after pain that lasted 40 mins.
The afterpains I experienced after Joy lasted 4-5 days, and were 100% stronger and more challenging than her birth. 200% even.
I know that I am an extreme case and I don’t share my experience to scare anyone, and yet it was such a significant part of my experience it wouldn’t be right or truthful to cut this hard part out.
In the moment, I remember swearing off having any more children , and I do feel like those after pains could really stop me from having more!!! In saying that, I’m still so young and it’s not a hard no… only time will tell. Thanks for reading Joy’s birth story.